The Life We Say We Want
Kandace has a way of bringing me back to reality.
I can talk a pretty good game about what I value.
Family. Health. Relationships. Faith. Freedom.
I can tell you what I believe the next chapter of my life should look like and where I want to spend more of my time.
And every once in a while, Kandace will listen patiently and then say something like:
“Okay. Let’s look at your calendar.”
Ouch.
The calendar couldn't care less about my intentions.
It is a ledger of cold, hard facts.
This subject came up again last week during one of our Blueprint Weekends.
We had several successful business owners and their spouses sitting around the table talking about what they wanted the next few years of their lives to look like.
One couple had built a successful practice and was raising two young children. The business was growing. An associate had been added. There were decisions to make about space, taking on more debt to add capacity and future expansion.
All good things.
But as we kept talking, another picture emerged.
Dad was leaving home earlier than he used to. Lunch had disappeared. He was getting home later. Some nights he barely made dinner before the kids had to go to bed.
Then there were emails, phone calls and business decisions on the weekends.
His wife was supportive. She wanted to see him succeed. But you could see the price in her tired eyes.
That struck me.
Because this is how it happens for a lot of us drivers and builders.
Nobody wakes up one morning and decides, “I’m going to let the business consume more of my life.”
Quite the opposite.
We tell ourselves we're doing all of this for the people we love.
And we are.
But success creates its own set of demands.
More employees. More decisions. More opportunities. More people depending on you.
There is always another project. And if you are wired like I am, there is always another milestone that seems reasonable enough to chase.
I’ll get through this expansion.
I’ll hit this number.
I’ll get this person trained.
I’ll finish this project.
Then things will settle down.
I have been saying versions of that sentence most of my adult life.
The Problem With “Later”
During Blueprint, I asked everyone to think about three questions:
What do I most want to protect?
What do I know needs to change?
What do I not want us to postpone anymore?
Those questions have more to do with financial planning than you might think.
Because eventually every financial decision becomes a life decision.
The new building isn't just a building. The bigger company isn't just additional revenue. The next acquisition isn't just an investment.
Each one comes attached to some amount of your attention, responsibility and time.
That doesn't make growth bad.
I love building things.
But at this stage of my life, I think more carefully about the trade.
What am I getting?
And what am I giving up to get it?
And who else is paying the price?
Audit the Evidence
Here's an exercise I've found useful.
Don't start with your goals.
Start with your calendar from the last 90 days.
If a stranger studied it, what would that person conclude matters most to you?
Would they see time with your spouse?
Your children or grandchildren?
How about your health? Being healthy takes time.
Friendships?
Faith?
Things that make you feel alive outside the business?
Or would they mostly see the machinery required to keep everything you've built moving?
I don't ask that question from a pedestal. Kandace still catches me. My natural tendency is still to push the meaningful things just a little farther into the future because something urgent today seems to need my attention.
But I'm increasingly aware that time doesn't accumulate the way money does.
Unused time doesn't remain in an account waiting for us. The year passes. The kids get older. Our parents get older. We get older.
And someday eventually becomes yesterday.
What Was Success Supposed to Do?
This is where I think the definition of success has to evolve.
There is a season to build. There is a season when long hours and sacrifice may be exactly the right trade.
But eventually, shouldn't some of that success begin buying back choices?
That's why I hate the word retirement. It carries the connotation of the end of your useful contribution to society. In reality, achieving Freedom should expand your opportunities and capabilities. Freedom is the beginning of the life you really want.
The ability to leave at 4:30 because you want to have dinner with your family.
The ability to take the trip without mentally remaining at the office.
The ability to protect your health before your body makes the decision for you.
The ability to keep working because the work is meaningful—not because the entire structure collapses if you stop.
That's what I mean when I talk about freedom.
There isn't a silver bullet, guru secret or moonshot investment that is going to make that happen in your life. You are likely closer than you think.
What I love most about Blueprint weekends is the ability to shift the lens and help people see financial decisions through the lens of what they really want in life.
Your calendar is a powerful tool for that.
It is a magic mirror that lets you come face to face with the real you.
Good news, you can also use it to pre-write the next chapter of your story.
[Related Article: Rethinking Wealth & Time Management]
Put together an ideal calendar for next week. Or stretch it out to a month or through the end of the year.
Compare it with the previous pages of your calendar. What will have to change to make that version a reality?
What will you need to stop doing? What will you need to protect?
You get to decide.
But you only get to live tomorrow once.
Then it becomes yesterday.
